Category Archives: “zombies”

Am still a zombie

Judiciously selective brain-eating and gothic sex symbology has resulted in current status as Super Cool Ninja Zombie. V. satisfying state of affairs if limbs would not insist on falling off every time I Hiii-YAH! someone. Last attempt resulted in accidental and embarrassing road block incident. Currently have left hand on right arm, and vice versa. Eating brains in civilised manner now rendered difficult.

Have been pursued by number of people all concerned with practicing violence or slavery upon my person. Said person falling apart, yet cannot oblige oppressive destructive physical abuse or racism. Tired and frightened. Stereotyped, no room for negotiation re: characterisation.

Zombies are people too. Right to live and procreate. Activities require killing of alive humans and consumption of brain, also gothic sex. Yet oppressed. Driven into hiding. Why won’t they let us live our unlives in peace?

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Am a zombie now.

Wake up in the morning, which is odd since am nocturnal. Am dead, yet mobile. V. cool. Am still in undies. Undies in sadly deplorable condition, body more so. Suspect beginning to smell. Very distressing. Mere mobility unequal to offset present state of deshabille.

Cannot spell deshabille. Zombie brain not smart. This even more distressing than holey undies, smell and continuing bodily decay. Even Narg smarter than me for now I am zombie.

Irresistible urge to to hold arms out at shoulder level while slurring request for brains. Not sure what to do with brains. Soft and chewy, convenient since teeth are loose in head – oops, correction, convenient since teeth falling out with extreme alacrity. Possible teeth sentient, desire to remain uncanniballistic?

Hold arms out at shoulder level. Adjust fingers for optimum dangle. Skin now a rather pleasing grey. Drawl “brrrrrrrains”. Sound like drunk pirate. V. cool.

Lurch. Process very complicated, requires massive coordination, bloody body. Yet am persistent zombie, only fall twice navigating to bedroom door. Arms are now stiff – very restful – so simply push through door. Am now like The Thing except for dessication. Cannot have everything.

Walk out in sunshine. Meet fellow zombies.

I say, “Brrrrrrains.”

They say, “Braaaaaains.”

Recommence lurching.